One of Life's Struggles

Sometimes it seems it is so hard to let go. I think because one of my character traits is loyalty then perhaps I struggle with this more than others. I have had issues with this from as far back as I can remember. You can go ahead and laugh at this if you wish, but I am sure if some of you are honest you can relate in some small way to what I am about to share.

When I was little I remember being very lonely. I lived in a house full of brothers and longed to have a friend who was a girl. Someone who liked things besides balls, bikes and dirt. I gave a personality to everything and talked to inanimate objects on a continual basis. I was constantly collecting litter and putting it in a trash receptacle because I knew it was lonely with no other trash around. It is a good thing my husband does not read my blog because he might be having me committed about now. I was only about 4 or 5 years old and I knew in my heart that it wasn't real, but at the same time I longed for everything to have a place to belong and a friend to share it with.

I moved for the very first time in 7th grade. I really haven't stopped moving since then and have moved on average about every 3 years. Every move brings the recurring struggle of wanting and needing to belong, wanting the stability that comes from the old and familiar and not the new and strange.

When I cry I can hear the Lord saying, "My child, my child, don't you know, I love, I love, I love you so, I'll never ever let you go ..." These words from a children's song offer so much comfort as well as the song, "He loves me, He loves me, He loves me this I know, He gave Himself to die for me because He loves me so.

This is one of the times when God shows Himself so faithful to me. He reminds me so sweetly that my home is truly with Him and my place of belonging is with His people. I don't want to be like the Israelites longing to return to Egypt. I want to go forward to all that God has planned for me. I have to give up a life of slavery to sin and self and put God and others first. The flesh and the Spirit war within, but praise God the Spirit is victorious! Greater is He that is within us than he that is in the world. I can say good-bye and let go and let God. He has never failed me or let me down. It is so wonderful to know I will never have to say good bye or let go of this relationship. I am so glad that God is the one stable thing forever and ever.

A Great Monday

Monday can sometimes be a terrible, horrible, no good, Alexander very bad day at our house. It usually doesn't matter how much I try to get it not to be, it just is. I think the kids get out of any routine or shedule because Friday is co-op day, Saturday is well, Saturday and Sunday is The Lord's Day. So by the time Monday rolls around we have to spend most of the day catching up with ourselves and trying to establish a schedule that will work for 3-4 days or so until Friday comes again and we start the vicious cycle all over again.

However, today wasn't one of those usual Mondays and I am so thankful to the Lord for a pleasant one. The sun was shining this morning, but not for very long, but that is ok because spring is in the air and although I tend to be a winter person, this year I welcome it. Mark has been taking a Botany and Bugs class in co-op and he is growing a marigold, actually 3 plants which he began with seeds and has nurtured and loved them into wonderful little marigold plants. He has also started a rose bush start from what appeared to be nothing more than a stick. It is quite astounding that we could take something that appears quite dead and it would sprout a lovely green group of leaves all in only a little more than a week. Our Creator is truly amazing to have thought of that one. Shouldn't every day truly be a new beginning?

So, even though the kids got sent to bed early, and I can hearing the pitter patter of rain outside, it was still a fairly calm Monday for us and surely tomorrow will find us catching up with ourselves and perhaps even getting a little ahead. Wouldn't that be great?

Support those Causes

It seems so often during each week that I talk to people about things that they "believe" to be good and right. We talk about everything from religion to homeschooling to the government, etc.
We are all willing to talk and give an opinion. But do we all know what we are talking about? Have we researched the topic. Can we support and defend our causes?

How about the homeschooling realm? Do we really know our rights? Are we in danger of losing some of those? How does that happen?

How about our government? Do we seem to be losing more rights daily? How about just the basic right to life for a preborn child? What about social security?

As I think about these things and begin to research them I am challenged to sign more petitions, you know, so often those forwards you perhaps delete without even looking at them. Perhaps those persons standing in front of Walmart with those huge clipboards that you hurry by because you don't want to be bothered. Or perhaps like me you worry you won't even know what Initiative 0000 even means, so therefore, you won't know whether you want to sign the petition or not.

Shame on us for not taking the time to find out about things that influence us or the culture around us. Shame on us for complaining for hours and not taking 5-10 minutes to let our representatives and senators know how we feel. But I guess my biggest complaint of all is that sometimes we know what is going on, we know we should stand up against it, but perhaps we don't know how and we feel helpless to bring about change that really could make a difference. Find a group or organization that reflects your thoughts and feelings and SUPPORT that group monetarily so they can represent you where you feel incapable.

The biggest example for this that I can think of is homeschoolers who do not support our organizations like WHO and HSLDA. These groups represent us in so many ways in so many areas that supporting them through membership is a very small price to pay for all they do. The groups also keep us aware of other ways we can keep our "causes" going in a direction we want to see them go (definitely not backwards).

There are support groups for every cause and we aren't going to be in all of them, but we can find a select few and put some money behind those "opinions" so perhaps we can make a difference in at least one or two areas.

My Dilemma

I have come up against a bit of a dilemma in my cleaning and packing. Here is my dilemma. Some folks say simplify, get rid of everything. Other folks say use everything up, make do with what you have, make it over, modify it, etc. I can't do that if I threw it out! I try to think about each item, when did I use it last? When will I use it again? Did I ever use it? How much did I pay for it? How much will it cost me to replace it? How much is it costing me to store it? Some items are easy. I never used it, I don't have plans to use it, I don't know what it does. So, out it goes.

Other items are not so easy. I paid a lot of money for this. Yes, I used it. No, not in the past 6 months. Yes, I could use it in the future, but when?

This is all a bit much for me to deal with day after day. Now I know you "simplifiers" out there are laughing at me, while you "keepers" are understanding my dilemma quite well. So, perhaps I just need to be accountable to someone. I have chosen all of you. Today I have gotten rid of an entire garbage bag full of Tupperware. No offense to you Tupperware lovers, just things I decided I no longer have room to keep. See, here I am apologizing when I am trying to celebrate! I could celebrate the clean cabinet, but I am sure the kids messed it up putting away dishes tonight. I don't want to check as I might have a break down.

I also got rid of more clothes from my closet, yes, there are still more. I also threw out a shopping bag full of toys. So, today I feel that I have made good progress. I will keep humming my new buzz words, simplify, simplify, simplify and when in doubt throw it out. Actually, doesn't that apply to food and not things.

The Countess of Concoctions

This is the new title that my daughter has given me. She calls me The Countess of Concoctions because I often make up recipes when I am cooking. She walks into the kitchen and asks what's for dinner and I say actually, I don't know, I am making it up as I go. It keeps life interesting for all of us.

I am trying to use up various ingredients in our pantry, fridge and freezer. I am also trying to stay out of the grocery store as much as is possible with a fairly large family. It is also a great money saving feature as I just do without or substitue various ingredients that I may not have on hand.

Most of the recipes the kids like, at least some of them. I hope they are learning some life lessons along with the Countess. I have learned that I really do save money by staying out of the store, a lesson I knew from past experience but seemed to have forgotten along the way. I have learned that I am decent at making up recipes because I know what my family will and won't tolerate. Another lesson for the kids is that necessity can be a great teacher if we are willing students.

Perhaps the best lesson of all is that sometimes there is a way even when we can't see it (they can't see it because they are inexperienced in the kitchen), but I know from having spent so much time there. I think I am often like that with God. I can't see the end result in life, but He can. I am reminded that sometimes when God closes a door He opens a window.

I think I am highly complimented by my new title. Thank you, daughter, for the encouragement.