Sometimes it seems it is so hard to let go. I think because one of my character traits is loyalty then perhaps I struggle with this more than others. I have had issues with this from as far back as I can remember. You can go ahead and laugh at this if you wish, but I am sure if some of you are honest you can relate in some small way to what I am about to share.
When I was little I remember being very lonely. I lived in a house full of brothers and longed to have a friend who was a girl. Someone who liked things besides balls, bikes and dirt. I gave a personality to everything and talked to inanimate objects on a continual basis. I was constantly collecting litter and putting it in a trash receptacle because I knew it was lonely with no other trash around. It is a good thing my husband does not read my blog because he might be having me committed about now. I was only about 4 or 5 years old and I knew in my heart that it wasn't real, but at the same time I longed for everything to have a place to belong and a friend to share it with.
I moved for the very first time in 7th grade. I really haven't stopped moving since then and have moved on average about every 3 years. Every move brings the recurring struggle of wanting and needing to belong, wanting the stability that comes from the old and familiar and not the new and strange.
When I cry I can hear the Lord saying, "My child, my child, don't you know, I love, I love, I love you so, I'll never ever let you go ..." These words from a children's song offer so much comfort as well as the song, "He loves me, He loves me, He loves me this I know, He gave Himself to die for me because He loves me so.
This is one of the times when God shows Himself so faithful to me. He reminds me so sweetly that my home is truly with Him and my place of belonging is with His people. I don't want to be like the Israelites longing to return to Egypt. I want to go forward to all that God has planned for me. I have to give up a life of slavery to sin and self and put God and others first. The flesh and the Spirit war within, but praise God the Spirit is victorious! Greater is He that is within us than he that is in the world. I can say good-bye and let go and let God. He has never failed me or let me down. It is so wonderful to know I will never have to say good bye or let go of this relationship. I am so glad that God is the one stable thing forever and ever.
Into the Unknown
6 years ago
4 comments:
Lisa, I love you and will miss you so much! I can relate to experiencing childhood lonliness. I have vivid memories of those times. Praise God he fills our every need and gives us comfort when we need it. You are an amazing woman and I am blessed to know you.
Oh Nina....I wish you were here so I could give you a big hug! We are already praying that God will show you a wonderful church and home school group when you relocate! Blessings to you all this week! Love you!
Mom, your blog made me cry! I love that song, I remember listening to it Grams' car. I sing it to myself whenever I feel like no one else loves me. Just because people aren't together physically doesn't mean we aren't together in Spirit. You will always have a place as my wonderful mom!
My favorite blog you've written. So sweet and warm to hear your heart. And, since I've gotten adept at this form of keeping in touch, I'm thinking moving these days must be easier than years past. May God bless your obedience and willing spirit.
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